My Life as a New Mom

Stuck Inside These Four Walls

rookiemama — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:00:01 +0000

I can’t say that I’m not terrified of this H1N1 right now. People are in heated debates about whether or not the vaccine is safe and whether or not they will vaccinate their children. If a vaccine was made available I’d take it! My son, on the other hand, isn’t even eligible for one until he is 6 months old- he still has 2.5 months to go!

I went online yesterday to see when I would be eligible to get the vaccine. The answer: early-mid December. Well, I though, at least I can get the seasonal flu vaccine. I called my doctor’s office to ask if I could get it when I went in for a scheduled appointment in a couple of weeks. They don’t offer it. I called the health department to see where it was being offered. They said that they were all out. So all I can think now is: we’re screwed.

I’m going absolutely stir crazy in my house, but am afraid to leave because germs are flying everywhere and I am terrified for my son. Because I can’t ignore the fact that infant mortality and morbidity rates are high for those who contract H1N1.

To Meetup or Not to Meetup

rookiemama — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:20:32 +0000

It is never cut and dry. I have been on a maternity leave for 15 weeks now and I have 10 more to go. Every single day for the last 15 weeks I have found myself obsessing about the fact that I will have to go back to work eventually, thus leaving my beautiful Ben. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I get angry and sometimes I create pipe dreams about winning the lottery or writing a novel that will make me millions so that I can work from home. Behind every minute that I spend with him from story time to tummy time to feeding time, I have this quiet feeling of dread about leaving this child 5 days a week in the care of someone else.

That is why last week when a coworker called me to fill me in about what has been happening in my absence, I was shocked when I began, for the first time, to desire going back to work. It was a desire that lasted for a fleeting moment and that was followed by confusion, but it is also a desire that has reappeared a few times since.

The confusion stems from the fact that I know in my heart of hearts that I do not want to leave my little man. But the desire comes from the fact that I am just so lonely for adult contact being home with a 3 month old all week.

I think about my Stay at Home Mom cousin. Her daughter was about 18-months-old when she moved her family here a couple of years ago. Upon her arrival, my cousin immediately went on Meetup.com and joined Mom’s groups, Playgroups, YMCA programs and anything else that would promote social interaction for both her and her daughter. She now has more friends than she can count and had about 30 children attending her now 3-year-old daughter’s birthday party. She has very full days with her 2 children and multiple meet ups. I suspect she is rarely lonely.

I have been to Meetup.com multiple times per my cousin’s suggestion. I even signed up for a stroller walker group when Ben turned 6 weeks old, but then decided that I should wait until his sleep patterns were more consistent before I began showing up at 8am with my stroller. Part of me wants to jump in so that I can meet moms from the area, fill my days with social interactions, and find people that I as a new mom can relate to. I then wonder how much a 3-month-old who has only recently come out from under the fog of newbornhood and whose only social interactions are smiling, grabbing things, and babbling will be able to “play with the other children while the mothers socialize.”

I suppose it is just another classic case of fear of the unknown. What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like us? What if it is like high school where cliques form and we are regarded as the “weirdo band geeks?” I have plenty of friends- weekend friends, work friends… but the fact of the matter is that for the next 10 weeks I have no “Mom friends” that are going through similar things that I am.

So, here I go. Giant step. After writing this out I have made a big decision. Meetup it is. Wish me luck!!!

Mommy Hour Vs. Happy Hour

rookiemama — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:04:44 +0000

I texted my best friend. “Sooo frustrated.” She asked why. “I’m tired of feeling like a single mom.” She asked if my husband wasn’t helping. “He’s at Sears getting his tire fixed. It’s an hour wait. Not his fault but it’s Friday after a long day and a long week and fighting an infection and 5 hours of sleep- I’m just so tired and need a break. He has class until 9 Tuesday and Thursdays and studying in between and it’s me and the baby, dog, cat, cat… and it gets quite tiring and lonely.” She says that he’ll be home before I know it. And I want to text back, “You have obviously never spent 24 hours a day for 3 months straight with an infant after being pregnant for 9 months before that. Because if you had, you would realize that there is no ‘before you know it’ in Mommy time. There is only ‘can’t get here soon enough.’

I used to get so frustrated when mothers would look at me with that smug little smile and raise their eyebrows and mutter, “You’ll understand someday when you have kids.” I would sneer and think: Understand what? What is this secret that you all have that you act like you are keeping from the rest of us childless folk?

But now I do understand. It’s not so much a secret as an understanding. You see, my best friend does not have children. To her time still moves in 8 hour workdays, 1 hour workouts, and endless happy hours. And when I interrupt one of those happy hours with a woeful text of loneliness, frustration and exhaustion and whine that my husband won’t be home for another hour, her hour consists of 3 Captain and Diets and is over before she knows it. Whereas my hour consists of intense crying followed by feeding followed by burping, singing, reading, general entertaining, stepping over the dog, tripping over the cat, trying to run to the bathroom for two minutes before someone cries, barks or meows and just generally demands 100% of you 100% of the time. It’s a long hour.

But I won’t tell her any of that. Because she will understand. Someday.

Once Again, I Don’t Know What I am Doing

rookiemama — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:08:52 +0000

Steps 1-4 have been completed in my “Blogging For Beginners” guide. Here I am. Yet I am so lost.

I wanted desperately to find my way to this spot so that I could start blogging about my life as a new mom. After walking through nine months of confusion as a pregnant lady followed by 3 more as a rookie mother, I think I may be able to squeak through the blogging process.

Little squeaks and groans call out from the bedroom where my sweet little Ben is napping. He is waking up. This is something that I am still getting used to- stopping mid-sentence to gather him up and feed him, comfort him, change him, and cater to his general needs. But I don’t mind. In fact I love it. And that has surprised me quite a bit.